dear God,

please show me the light to the right path. i'm utterly confused about my life right now. everything seems ok, but somehow when i step back and look at things, they just don't fit right. like pieces of jigsaws that have odds and ends which don't match. and i place them where they should be.

times have changed. and i think you're making everything around me change too. like the people around me, the surroundings, the events which happen around the world and many many other things. somehow it's for the worse. maybe it's a test that you're putting me up to. i don't know. but i hope you'll make things better somehow. like, please let nothing happen to my mom. let the results return back negative. and let my cat lead a happy life in our home. let me have an easy time in university and help me get new friends.

and people..
i don't hang around with Fria much these months. georgia seems busy almost everyday of her life and if i get to see her it's like a miracle in great big blue moon. han's got her own group of friends. vonne's been busy in her own fac.

and a particular person in my life, whom i don't seem to understand anymore. erm, most of the time? well, i tried. hard. dear God, please tell me whether i'm doing the right thing. i really have no idea how things will turn out in the future. i'm sort of divided you know. between faith and love. it's just so hard. i mean, if i know that it's not gonna happen cuz he's not gonna make it happen, why should i even bother now? i'm not saying i'm planning for some lifetime commitment shit but i want something good for the both of us in the future. something that i won't look back saying, oh, i've wasted my bloody time. i hope that things will turn out fine and that our different views, etc will not be the cause for fights in the future.

maybe being a baby is not such a bad thing afterall. don't have to think of all these shits. and i'll get hugs and lullabies everyday.

i know that it's a lot to ask of you. i know that there's so many sins that i'm guilty of. but i hope there's still time and hope for salvation.

truly,
your humble servant.