i'm the bad one. the horrible, walking catastrophe.
maybe someone should just drown me, dunk my head continuously into a bucketful of water. till i stop struggling and lay limp and motionless at his feet. lungs filled with water, eyes glazed with endless blankness. heart stop beating from fear and sadness. i think this is much less painful to bear than knowing the fact that i'm not good enough for this or that. this or that. this. or him.

sorry.
i don't even know why i even mention that word "sorry." maybe it makes me feel better. to be apologetic. it's so easy to spew out. sorry. sorry. sorry.

sigh.
i miss you.